July 16, 2012
This is a title.
So nothing happened. And when I say nothing I mean various shit that you guys dont care about. And by you guys I mean no one because no one reads this anyways. I can tell because I've looked at the logs. But I digress. I dunno where I left off and Im far to lazy to look back so I will just let you know what is going on. First of I emailed the guy about the thing because it seemed they really wanted me but were taking far to long to tell me that. I got an email back almost immediately telling me that yeah they wanted me but I would have to move to Portland. The problem with that was that I just moved to bumfuck north east Oregon with my brother. At that point I was sort of lost. I told my brother that if he took a job here that I would move with him. He did not want to go alone. So now I'm here faced with a hard decision. Do I abandon my brother for a good job or do I tell them no I can't move. I called my dad for advice which I never do. I talked to a friend and I jerked of in the shower to relieve some stress. That last part was a lie. I jerked off because it is awesome not because of stress. Anyways the point was that I had some thinking to do and I did it. My brother is family and he should(and does) only want the best for me. He moved here for a better job so why should he be upset that I wanted to move for the same reason. I broached the subject to him and and everything went find. He wanted to have me around but said that this opportunity is to good to pass up. My brother is great by the way. My family is in general. I was in trouble and my mom helped me out crazy style. She also gave me money to have a break from some things because she knew i needed it. I would have been fine and I never asked for anything but she was there. It is the same with my dad. My dad is not legally my dad but he has been there for me as long as I can remember. He has never had anything but mine and my brother's best interests at heart. His methods got a bit fucked at times but his point has always been to protect or help or teach us. The other guy can get fucked by a jumbo jet for all I care. And my brother? I was in a rut. My life was a rock in the middle of no where. I was stuck. I think that maybe he saw that when he offered up Oregon to me. I was heading no where and fucked mentally and saw no purpose or path out of it. I was hitting closed doors or no doors everywhere I went. But he stepped up and said hey bro, I got this. He funded and for the moment is still funding our trek to Oregon. I wish everyone could have what I have. I have a few good friends and a great family that would put themselves in the dirt if they thought it would help. I hope someday I am able to help them. Actually I hope they all stay in good situations so I never have to but I would die for any of them. Anyways my brother was cool with me taking of for work. At first I was excited. My life was showing hints of change. A path started to emerge. But then I cried. People who know me know that I treat pets like family. My little buddy has been with me through all this shit. He can't help like family and friend can but he is my therapist and my friends. I cried because I could see no way that did not lead to me giving him to a stranger or worse yet a shelter. Im sure those people would have treated him just fine but he is my best friend and not theirs. After getting him I understood the homeless people with a dog that shadows them everywhere. They are simple creatures but they will follow you anywhere. That why dogs kick the shit out of cats. Cats may like you sometimes but your being used. A dog truly loves you. So you can see the pain i felt at the thought of having to abandon my friend. I might as well be giving up my mom or dad or brothers. But it looked like I had to. I had asked everyone I could. All that was left was the shelter or a stranger. But then one of my best friends and my ex girlfriend texted me. She told me that she had a plan and to relax. She had a cousin that could watch the dog and would give him to my friend when they moved to a bigger house. I wont say i cried but my vision got a little wonky :) I trusted her absolutely and I know my buddy would be fine. She would never do anything to hurt him and thinks of him just like I do. He is our family. And that brings us to now. Life is starting to move again. My patience(forced or not) looks to be paying off. For the moment the job is a trial thing but the outlook is good. I work hard and learn fast. I have my friends and family around if the shit go south again.I won't let it though. I got buried mentally in the Navy and i refuse to do that again. Now piss off I'm tired and there is a shit ton of stuff to do tomorrow. -roguemind